So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
