He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Randomize
