im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Randomize
