it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Randomize
