Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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