I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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