I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
