I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
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