my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
