Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
