He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
