Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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