you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
