She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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