ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
