the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
