I met the friendliest cop last night
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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