I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
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