Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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