her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
I think I have vodka in my lungs
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
