GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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