there's paper in my vomit.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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