The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
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Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
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Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I can feel your judgement through the phone
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
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