So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
