I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
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