they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize