Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
