they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
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