Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
i need some magic done to my vagina
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
