I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
