You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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