Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
