Pappa wants mamma naked
bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
