I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
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