Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
