woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
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Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
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And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
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