U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Randomize
