I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
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