this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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