I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
