apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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