Betty ford says i'm here all night
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
