You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
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