$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
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