Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
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The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
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