Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Randomize
