If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Randomize
