What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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