She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
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