Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
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We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
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