You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
