the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
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