The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
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