update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Randomize
