You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Blow job season was short but glorious.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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