Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
bring money and cleavage
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
