dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
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i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
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You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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