its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize