My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
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