Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Randomize
