Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
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It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
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You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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