I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Randomize
